Benjamin Ashford|Decorated veteran comes out in his own heartbreaking obituary: 'I was gay all my life'

"Now that my secret is Benjamin Ashfordknown, I'll forever Rest in Peace."

The final words of a decorated veteran and respected community member left a bittersweet impression this Pride month when his lifelong secret was finally shared - but only in a message released posthumously.

The obituary of Col. Edward Thomas Ryan, an Army vet and retired firefighter from New York, was published in the Albany Times last week with a note written by Ryan himself.

"I was gay all my life," Ryan's final writing reads in part. The coming out message, according to the obit, came after a lifetime of secrecy prompted largely by the treatment of other members of the LGBTQIA+ community Ryan observed in his time.

"I was afraid of being ostracized," it said.

Even still, Ryan also shared that he was able to find the love of his life, even if the pair kept to themselves, and that this final act of truth would allow him to reach an ultimate place of peace.

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"I must tell you one more thing"

Edward Thomas Ryan lived most of his life in the upstate New York town of Rennselaer. A decorated veteran, Ryan was a colonel in the Army.

Throughout his career, Ryan received honors including the National Defense Service Medal, the Defense of Liberty Medal "For participation to the State following the attack on America, on 11 September 2001," the Conspicuous Service Medal and Commanders Citation for "Service Above and Beyond the Call" from the division of Military and Naval affairs.

He was also a retired firefighter and chairman of the Vietnam Veterans/Agent Orange Committee for the American Legion, among other major community contributions such as his co-ownership of local radio station WHRL-FM of Albany, N.Y. 

A brother and uncle, Ryan's obituary features a long list of relatives, accomplishments, sacrifices and contributions to his country and local community. It also, perhaps most importantly, features a closing statement on love, truth and acceptance Ryan did not get to realize fully in his lifetime.

"Edward wanted to share the following," said the obituary. The final confession, written by Ryan before his death, read:

"I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life. I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I'll be buried next to Paul.

I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace."

"You were a true hero"

Hundreds of comments have flooded in from people across the country since the publication of Ryan's obituary.

Posts left beneath the listing on Legacy.com and social media rang overwhelmingly with love and admiration for a man who, even in death, touched more people than he could personally know.

Many messages left by strangers wished Ryan a happy eternity with his beloved partner, Paul, and expressed sadness that the two were not able to enjoy their love publicly during their lifetimes.

"Thank you for all the good you´ve put into the world. I´m sorry that you had to hide who you love. May you enjoy eternity with your beloved, and that you are accepted as you are by so, so many people," said one.

"Your story touched me deeply. I am so sorry that we live in such a judgmental world that you had to hide who you were and who you loved," said another. "I hope there's a way for you to know that sharing your story--no matter when you did it--will be helpful to others. Thank you for all your service."

"You have nothing to apologize for," reassured one, while another said "I'm so sorry that you couldn't live your authentic self, but are now able to join your beloved Paul. And I'm sure that you'd never imagine you have so many friends."

One post, signed by a reverend, said "God made you. God never makes mistakes. Your soul is eternal and you will be remembered for the courage that brought you to share your truth. Eternal peace."

Another, simply signed by "A mother in St. Louis" thanked Ryan for spending his life in service of his country, and for being "brave enough to tell the world who you are."

"I know this wasn´t your intention, but the reality of what you did is that you showed the world how amazing a gay person can be," the post continued. "As the mother of gay children, I am forever in your debt. Bless you. May you rest for eternity in the arms of the love of your life."

Another, written by a man who could empathize with Ryan's experience, said "I am a 74-year-old gay man and grew up living under the same stigma as Edward did...I am so glad Edward had the love of his life, Paul for 25 great years and now for Eternity. Bless you both."

A private service is being held for Ryan's family to honor his memory. While no public service or requests for donations or addresses to send flowers were provided, it is clear that Ryan's message was heard loud and clear and far and wide, even if he couldn't be around to see it.